Transcript:Bob
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Encounters
- Bob: Erm, hello? Can you understand me?
- Player: I certainly can. I am wearing this amulet I got in Sophanem!
- Bob: Ah so you've met some of the local felines. Wise and confusing, those Sphinges.
- Player: Wow!! You know the plural of Sphinx!! What else do you know?
- Bob: All sorts of stuff! I pick up no end of comments on my travels. Want to hear one?
- Player: I certainly do. Share your wisdom Bob!
Bob then shares one of his bits of wisdom
- Player: Hi Bob, How's tricks?
- Bob: Tricks? Dogs are for tricks! Cats are for admiring and fussing over.
- Player: OK then, how about a joke instead?
- Bob: Woof woof. Yip yip!
- Player: Excuse me?
- Bob: Ah don't mind me. I am learning a second language!
- Player: No, you don't understand. I wanted to hear a joke.
- Bob: Sigh... OK. Did you hear about the cat who drank 10 bowls of milk? He set a new lap record.
- Player: Did he? Wow. What about this joke then?
- Bob: Are you trying to be funny?
- Player: No, that's your job isn't it?
- Bob: Grrrowl. OK, last try. What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo?.... An Eskimew!
- Player: An Eskimew?... That's not funny. I waited all this time for that? Sheesh.
- Bob: You know, sometimes i wonder why i still bother with this place. It's just not the same since the humans arrived.
- Player: Speak to me, Bob! Give me some wise words of advice!
- Bob: Advice you want eh? Well, I could just enlighten you with a snippet of my vast knowledge.
- Player: That would be fantastic! I heard you were very very wise indeed.
- Bob: Well, i think i will let you decide that.
- Player: OK, bamboozle me with your intelligence!
Bob then shares one of his bits of wisdom
Bob and son
If a player has a cat follower when he or she speaks to Bob, the conversation can go quite differently:
- Bob: Hi, my name is Bob.
- Cat: Hello Bob!
- Player: Do you two know each other?
- Cat: I don’t think so.....
- Bob: Yes you do. Dive deep, search your feelings.
- Cat: OK, I will try.
- Player: What’s up kitty?
- Bob: If only you knew the power of Bob. Your master never told you who your real father was did she/he?
- Cat: No, but what’s that got to do with.... no, nooooo! It cannot be!!
- Bob: Yes. I am your father!
- Cat: That’s impossible!!
- Player: This is all getting very weird.
- Bob: You can destroy Zamorak. He has foreseen this. It is your destiny. Join me, and together we can rule this place as father and son.
- Cat: OK dad, maybe later. You’re scaring me!
- Player: I think that’s about enough of that. I’m off.
This dialogue sequence is a reference to a scene in The Empire Strikes Back, in which Darth Vader and Luke exchange similar phrases. When Bob says, "I am your father" there is a distinct breathing noise making the conversation even more reminiscent of the movie scene.
Wisdom
- Bob: If a player falls down in the forest and nobody is there, do they make any noise?
- Bob: Sorry I am too busy marking my territory.
Player: Your territory? This place is ruled by Grand Highmage Gower (Most likely RuneScape's creator, Andrew Gower) and his minions.
Bob: I think not. They are my minions. And I let them think he's in charge. I’m the real power behind the throne.
Player: I knew it!!
Bob: Yeah, it keeps them happy that way, but don't tell anyone!
Player: Hee hee. OK Bob.
- Bob: Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are Guthix!
Player: What do you believe, Bob?
Bob: Well I don’t believe much really since I know I am Zar... erm, well, no, I erm, meow?
- Bob: Don’t get distracted so easily! See, I’m distracting you right now!
- Bob: Sorry I'm far too busy calculating thermal vectors.
Player: Eh?
Bob: Oh, sorry… I meant, erm, meow?
- Bob: Nothing interesting happens.
Player: Eh? That's hardly useful.
Bob: Ahh, but you see. It does all sorts of wondrous things.
Player: Like what?
Bob: Well it's more to do with what happens when you hear that being said. You see, something interesting happens somewhere else.
Player: So what you're saying is that if nothing interesting happens to me, then something interesting is happening for someone else that IS interesting?
Bob: Yes, that’s about it.
Player: OK…I see… I think.
- Bob: Player name, why do you keep your cat in the bank?
Player: I thought it was too dangerous to bring it out with me.
Player: Or, I could let the poor thing get butchered! Is that what you want?
Bob: Butchered!!! I think not. Cats are easily as tough as sheep. Cats were the second thing Guthix brought here, after sheep of course.
Player: Weird. I thought Gnomes and the Dwarves were the first ones. Oh well back to school for me.
- Bob: Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.
- Bob: So, you want to know how us cats keep so clean all day?
Player: Must be all that washing you do.
Bob: You would think so wouldn’t you. But is being covered in spit really clean?
Player: Eeww... Gross.
- Bob: Anything that is not nailed down is a cat toy.
- Bob: If at first you don’t succeed, take a short nap.
- Bob: Yeah I could tell you something really useful, but then I would have to '1-Hit you' to death.
Player: Bob, you couldn't 1-hit a noob.
Bob: Care to place a wager on that? Sorry, hang on, I’ve got no pockets. Maybe next time.
Player: I’ll be waiting.
- Bob: Dogs have owners, cats have staff.
- Bob: I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.
- Bob: There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats.
- Bob: Cats and teleporting just don’t mix well. That’s why I walk everywhere. Messes my hair up terribly.
- Player: Do you like all the monsters around here?
Bob: No, not really. I am actually signed up with the HAM fanatics. Kill the whole lot of 'em!
Player: That’s a bit cruel isn’t it?
Bob: Yeah, that’s one of my best qualities. Just behind sneaky and vicious. Besides, after a few doses of catnip, they all look like mice to me!
- Bob: Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
- Bob: Sorry, no time to chat. Still got mouse bones stuck in my teeth. How awkward.
- Bob: You know, cats are the first species to fully evolve. We’re perfect.
- Bob: Preserve nature. Pickle a dog!
- Bob: Do you like dogs?
Player: Yes!
Bob: Me too. Care to swap recipes? I have a rather unique hotdog sauce.
Player: Bob, you’re a bit messed up really aren’t you.
Bob: No, I just know what I like. Besides, it was a joke.
Player: A joke? I doubt the dogs are laughing.
Bob: What dogs? I have already rid this place of dogs. Have you ever seen one?
Player: Yes actually. I heard there are a few wild dogs about here somewhere.
Bob: Right!! Fellow cats, prepare for war!!
- Player: Hi Bob. I didn't think I would ever see you around here. Long way from home isn't it?
Bob: Yikes!! Where did you pop up from?
Player: Oh sorry Bob, didn't mean to make you jump.
Bob: Noooooo. Now that mouse I was chasing has got away. Can you be a bit more sneaky next time? You know, sneaky sneaky stick the chompy as my old friend Rantz often says.
Player: Sure thing Bob.
Location Specific Dialogue
Lumbridge
Occasionally when Bob is in Lumbridge he will reminisce about the gumbo that the old chefs used to make. As he describes it in Postbag from the Hedge #8, "There used to be whole bunches of chefs, crowded round a steaming gumbo pot, adding things and tasting as they go"… He also notes some of the beneficial effects of gumbo as well as the possibility that the recipe may be hidden somewhere.
(This dialogue is now discontinued as Bob can no longer access Lumbridge due to Border Guards blocking his way.)
Taverley
While in Taverley, Bob will talk about how he enjoys the druids because they bother him like others who have a Catspeak amulet.
Varrock
When in Varrock, Bob will tell the player that he came to talk to his old friend King Roald. He will also mention that there's more than meets the eye about the White Knights. (This dialogue is now discontinued as Bob can no longer access Varrock due to Border Guards blocking his way.)
Falador
- Player: Hi Bob. I didn’t think I would ever see you round here. Long way from home isn’t it?
Bob: Yes I guess so. But I’ve been asked to get some coal for Dunstan. He ran out, you see.
Player: Anything I can do to help?
Bob: No thanks. I’m on my way back now.
Player: Ok Bob, see you around.
Cat Rulebook
- Bob: Cat Rule number 1: Always act afraid when near dogs, especially if you're near a human. They will pick you up and fuss you, then shout at the dog. Most amusing!
- Bob: Cat Rule number 2: When assisting a human at work, make sure you sit behind its right leg. You stand a much better chance of getting picked up and stroked. Also it's very amusing when they try to avoid you and smash themselves in the knee.
- Bob: Cat Rule number 3: If you ever make a mistake, which is rare and probably involves a dog, make sure you wash yourself immediately. This will give everyone the impression that it was done on purpose.
- Bob: Cat Rule number 4: Beware the bag monster. These things live in small bags and under newspapers, sometimes even hidden in shoes if they are very clever. They will be very small and take on the same colour as the hiding place. Attack these things on sight - stop at nothing. If you see a bag or shoe you have not inspected recently, pounce!!